PNUT GALLERY

RIP Sir George Martin. The famed Beatles producer died yesterday at 90 years old. Love is all you need.

IN A NUTSHELL: MUST READ

ISIS Gets Hacked And 22,000 Names Are Revealed Looks like the ISIS graduating class of 2013 will have a yearbook after all. German intelligence has obtained documents that include over 22,000 names and identities of that year’s recruits. Each document is a 23-question sign up sheet for ISIS: providing birthdays, telephone numbers, hometowns and even blood types for each inductee. The Germans allegedly acquired the roster from a defecting former fighter, no doubt disillusioned with ISIS’ archaic administrative practices.

PNUT READ: Our Brief History Of ISIS
#pnut4prez: Another Day, Another Democratic Debate

NUTS AND BOLTS: SHOULD READ

Hungary Maintains Reputation As Least Helpful Neighbor In EuropeBalkan states channelled their inner Donald Trump and shut down their borders yesterday leaving 14,000 refugees stranded on the Greco-Macedonian (aka FYROM) border. The Hungarian government will declare a state of emergency and deploy an additional 1,500 troops and police officers to its border with Serbia. Interior Minister Sandor Pinter said that they “do not know how the migrants stuck in the Balkan countries will react,” but one might guess they won’t be thrilled. 

FBI Vs. Apple: Snowden Calls ‘Bullshit’NSA whistleblower and rebel-without-asylum Edward Snowden has weighed in on the FBI case against Apple, calling the FBI’s claim total “bullshit.” Apple’s refusal to aid the FBI in the San Bernardino case has made many in the tech world skeptical of the FBI’s inability to access the phone themselves. Citing the ACLU, Snowden believes the claim was fraudulent and that the FBI can in fact access that data, creating yet another PR setback for the government agency as it prepares for the upcoming court case. 

Brazil: How Much Does It Really Cost To Renovate A Kitchen?Brazilian prosecutors filed charges against former Brazilian President and popular leftist leader Lula da Silva and his son for accepting kickbacks (kitchen renovations) in return for influencing contracts at the state-owned oil company Petrobras. The investigation, dubbed “Operation Carwash,” has snared senior members of the government and placed pressure on sitting President Dilma Rousseff (who has single digit approval ratings).  

Keeping Our Eye On…

• Sony: Responding to public outcry over Kesha’s rape allegations, Sony will reportedly end their contract with Dr. Luke. Kesha had initially accused the producer of sexual assault in 2014, but a judge denied her request to be contractually free from working with him, sparking dialogue about women in the music industry and a #freeKesha movement.
• Mississippi: Carlos Moore, the black lawyer suing to have the Confederate emblem removed from the state flag, has filed reports of numerous death threats.
• Poland: The country’s constitutional court ruled that changes to the court proposed by the right-wing government were unconstitutional. The government said it will ignore the court ruling because they didn’t adhere to the (unconstitutional) rules when making the ruling. 

LOOSE NUTS: FOR YOUR ENJOYMENT

Can’t Fit Drugs In Your Carry-On? Try Using Your Breasts. It’s hard to judge a person for taking their work this seriously. A Colombian woman was arrested in Germany’s Frankfurt Airport for smuggling 1kg (2.2lbs) of cocaine inside her breasts. Airport officials became suspicious after she complained of serious pain, and they noticed fresh surgical scars on her chest. The woman admitted to carrying the drugs and was rushed to a hospital where doctors removed 500g lumps of cocaine-filled plastic bags. The illegal implants had a value of over $219,000, despite it being a “hastily arranged operation.”