PNUT GALLERY

Astronaut Scott Kelly just returned to Earth (with some great photos) after spending a full year in Space. We presume he will be on the next flight out after discovering yesterday’s election results. 

IN A NUTSHELL: MUST READ

Super Tuesday AKA Trumper TuesdayDonald Trump and Hillary Clinton clinched multiple victories during yesterday’s “Super Tuesday” elections across twelve states. Here is the rundown by candidate:

• Hillary Clinton took the American Samoa and the South (Democratic strongholds) yesterday, storming Arkansas (Bill’s state), Alabama, Georgia, Virginia, Tennessee and Texas. She barely managed to edge out a victory in Massachusetts. But wait, it isn’t time to run a victory lap quite yet…
• Bernie Sanders survived the Southern-dominated Super Tuesday winning victories in Colorado, Minnesota, Oklahoma and Vermont (almost 90% in his home state). He’s got a good case to stay in the race for a few more states.
• Donald Trump towered over the Republican Party last night, taking Alabama, Arkansas, Georgia, Massachusetts, Tennessee, Vermont and Virginia. Probably Alaska too but we fell asleep before that was called. The win was so obvious that Trump held his victory rally before most of the races were determined and used the opportunity to let us know that he “will be really good for women.”
• Ted Cruz beat expectations last night by winning a whopping TWO states: Oklahoma, and his home state of Texas. Cruz tried to convince other Republican candidates to drop out of the race so the party could unite behind him against Donald Trump, which is unlikely.   
• Marco “Second Place” Rubio took home his first win (OMG) last night in the state of Minnesota. Rubio said he would remain in the race claiming that he never stated that he would win big on Super Tuesday. Meanwhile, the rest of the internet pointed out that he would have to begin winning eventually. 
• John Kasich and Ben Carson have not yet dropped out…  

GOOD TRACKER: Politico’s Delegate Tracker 

NUTS AND BOLTS: SHOULD READ

Brazil Tries To Emulate FBI In Fight Against Tech CompaniesPolice in Sao Paulo have arrested Diego Dzodan, Vice President of Facebook in Latin America, after he was accused of ignoring a judicial order to provide data and aid an investigation into drug trafficking. The tension between Brazilian authorities and Facebook isn’t new. In December, a Brazilian judge blocked the Facebook-owned messaging platform WhatsApp because it refused to give user information to the police. We can’t help but notice the parallels between this and Apple’s fight with American law enforcement, though fortunately nobody is getting arrested, or worse, blocked. 

Kerry To Assad: Try A Little TendernessIn what might be the biggest lie this week (and it’s election season in the US, so that’s really saying something), Syrian President Bashar al-Assad said that he’s shown some restraint recently. However, members of the “moderate opposition” sent a letter to the UN claiming that Assad is responsible for repeated violations since the “truce” began. Sounding exhausted and fed up at a news conference, US Secretary of State John Kerry said, “We call on the Assad regime to, at least in a moment of cessation of hostilities, try to show some measure of decency… if that is even possible.”

Osama Bin Laden Leaves Behind A Will And A S***ty Organization Newly released documents of the late Osama bin Laden show a multitude of sides to the al-Qaeda leader. There were treatises you might expect to find: advice on extorting Mauritania, trepidations about attacking Iran… the usual. But the documents include more personal letters, as well: he hated not being able to visit a dentist (he’d be fairly recognizable that close up) and feared that his wife’s tooth contained a tracking device. Probably the oddest revelation is that bin Laden had the eye of a publicist. His will recommends that his lieutenants reach out to CBS or Al Jazeera to pitch an anniversary special, and he even recommended that journalist Robert Fisk moderate. 

Keeping Our Eye On…

• Nostalgia: Nickelodeon plans to revive the cult classic gameshow “Legends of the Hidden Temple” as a TV movie. The kids’ media empire originally launched the show in the 1990s, but hopes to cash in on millennial nostalgia. 
• Mummies: A mummified body was found on a boat off the coast of the Philippines. Police have identified the man as Manfred Fitz Bajorat, a German adventurer that had gone missing. 
• United Nations: At Russia’s request, the UN has delayed the vote on new sanctions for North Korea. Russia said it needed time to review the text, since they’re so caught up with, you know, Syria. 

LOOSE NUTS: FOR YOUR ENJOYMENT

Anti-Refugee Lawmakers In Germany Get Pied Activists weren’t kidding when they called it “an expression of direct democracy.” Dressed as a clown and singing “Happy Birthday,” a protestor threw a pie in the face of Beatrix von Storch, a leader of the right-wing German fringe party AfD, which had recently gained press (and Parliament seats) for its anti-migrant and anti-Muslim rhetoric. The activist group, Tortenbefehl, or “Order of the Pie,” says this was a (very) direct response to von Storch’s suggestion that police can shoot migrant women and children who enter Germany illegally. “No activist wants to throw pies at politicians,” Tortenbefehl claims, “but cream pies are the last resort.”

Congratulations to Paula who won our sharing raffle for a MacBook Pro!

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