PNUT GALLERY
Happy St. Patrick’s Day! We hope your day is green like the shamrock and not green like tomorrow’s incurable hangover.
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IN A NUTSHELL: MUST READ
Obama Nominates A Guy The GOP Used To Love… Before Obama Nominated Him Calling the Senate’s bluff, President Obama announced that he would nominate Merrick Garland for Supreme Court Justice. Garland is a noted centrist who has been a popular choice among Republicans for past SCOTUS openings. Warning the Senate that inaction only damages the democratic process, the Republican majority now must decide between their previous vow to never let Obama select another Justice, or confirming a nominee significantly more centrist and “safe” than anyone Clinton, Sanders, or even Trump would pick.
GOOD READ: Our Introduction to Merrick Garland
North Korea Sentences US Student To 15 Years Of ‘Hard Labor’The DPRK* sentenced Otto Warmbier, a 21-year old economics student from the University of Virginia, to fifteen years of hard labor for his “crimes against the state.” Warmbier was found guilty for “severe crimes” after getting arrested for allegedly attempting to steal a political banner from his hotel in Pyongyang. White House spokesman Josh Earnest has urged North Korea for leniency, but the final sentencing will only increase tension with the United States.
*It is one of those accidents of history that when the words “Democratic” and “People’s” appear in the name of a country it usually means that the country is neither Democratic or for the People. |
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NUTS AND BOLTS: SHOULD READ
US Federal Reserve: Okay, Things Aren’t GreatMarkets erupted in joy yesterday when the Fed issued a pessimistic forecast on the world economy (yes, you read that right) and decided to hold rates at their March meeting and lower the forecast going forward. Lower rates mean that the Fed is taking the risk of a global recession seriously, but it also means cheaper capital and higher asset prices, hence the market joy. Perverse? Yes, on some level, it is.
Attack On Nigerian Mosque Kills 24 PeopleTwo female suicide bombers detonated explosives in a mosque in Ummarari, killing 24 people and injuring 18 others. The Nigerian Army suspects the attacks came from Boko Haram, who have been increasing their use of suicide bombers in that part of Nigeria. In recent months, the militant group has used more women and young girls in these suicide attacks, often targeting mosques and marketplaces. Despite the Nigerian government’s push to destroy the group –with the assistance of the US military– Boko Haram have spread to Chad, Niger, and Cameroon, where they are picking up new recruits.
#pnut4prez: John Boehner Tries To Make Presidential Race More Exciting!Channeling his inner Frank Underwood, John Boehner added a new dimension to the race for the US Republican nomination by endorsing his successor Paul Ryan for the top job if it reaches a brokered convention. Only problem is that Ryan isn’t even running (he tried in 2012 as VP and lost), and he’s already got a lot on his plate like the US budget and dealing with his own far-right rebellion in Congress.
GOOD READ: What Is A Brokered Convention Anyway?
Keeping Our Eye On…
- Uber: Jason Dalton, the man accused of killing six people in Michigan while working a shift as a driver, is suing Uber for $10 million. Dalton filed a complaint saying that a “devil figure” was controlling him through the Uber app. We’ve never heard anyone refer to Travis Kalanik that way before.
- Maria Sharapova: The United Nations has suspended the tennis star’s status as a Goodwill Ambassador. After testing positive for the performance-enhancing Meldonium earlier this year, Sharapova has lost her endorsements from Porsche, Nike, and Tag Heuer.
- The Vatican: No more turning the other cheek: Pope Francis has decided to fire the Vatican Ambassador to the US for having arranged that awkward meeting with Kim Davis. Reports claim that the Vatican has tried to distance itself from Archbishop Carlo Maria Vigano, who has held a notably anti-gay stance during his tenure as Ambassador.
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LOOSE NUTS: FOR YOUR ENJOYMENT
Romanian MP Jailed For Bribing Voters With Fried Chicken We at Daily Pnut are strongly against political bribery, but let’s be honest: it’s hard to say no to fried chicken. A Bucharest court has accused former MP Florin Popescu of peddling 60 metric tons of fried chicken to voters in an attempt to win another term as council leader in 2012. According to anti-corruption investigators, Popescu scored a supply of over $120,000 worth of fried chicken from a producer and quickly discovered that it was (and always will be) the fastest way to voters’ hearts. The supply made him a kingpin in the underground chicken market, earning him the nickname of “Baron Chicken.”
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SPONSORED NUTS: THE SLEEPING PNUT
Bespoke Mattress? Nope, Even Better First night sleeping on a Casper mattress… not going to lie, I enjoyed that. In fact, I enjoyed that so much I skipped my morning workout and got an extra hour of sleep (editor’s note: he skips every morning workout). I was concerned that the mattress would be too soft or too firm, but none of that mattered. It was almost as if Casper had designed me a perfect mattress, but better — I didn’t have to go through the painful process of trying a million different options.*
GOOD SLEEP: Get Better Sleep And $50 Off Your Casper Mattress Using Code PNUT
*While this is a paid ad by Casper, I do, in fact, actually own a Casper Mattress which I paid for myself.
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