June 30, 2016

Body Parts Wash Ashore At Rio Olympic Venue

The Rio Olympics welcomed its first round of guests as mutilated bodies washed up on the scenic sands of Copacabana Beach in Rio de Janeiro, right next to where the beach volleyball athletes will be competing in six weeks. The upcoming events only continue to get more grim after Governor Francisco Dornelles warned that the Olympics could be “a big failure.” Beyond the political corruption, the spread of Zika virus and already stellar ideas from the planning team that erupted in death and international humiliation, Dornelles also told newspapers that the state has not yet received the approved federal funds to beef up security and transportation. But the event isn’t completely awash. Despite the body parts and the drug-resistant “super bacteria” in the water, the safest and most efficient way to get around might be to swim. 

Yes, I want to sound marginally more intelligent: