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Sure, history was made, but Hillary Clinton didn’t celebrate so much as she hit the ground running. Rolling up the sleeves of her sleek white pantsuit, she kicked off what is about to be a long, drawn out fight for the presidency. Although there weren’t nearly as many catchphrases as were present in her opening acts’ speeches this week, Hillary Clinton was thorough in discussing her views on each platform. She gave us a play-by-play of her social justice ideals and her foreign policy experience. Despite all the seriousness, Clinton did have a few a zingers. “A man you can bait with a tweet is not a man we can trust with nuclear weapons,” she said, clearly subtweeting someone.
With the RNC and DNC firmly behind us we now enter the vast stretch of mud-slinging, debating and polling that is the general election. Both sides will continue presenting two very different views of America in the 102 days until the election. Good luck?
Love it or hate it, but it’s hard to change Chancellor Angela Merkel’s mind on anything. (Remember when the Greeks tried?) Last week’s surge of violence in Bavaria caused some to criticize Merkel’s open-door policy on refugees, but Merkel was unrelenting. She delivered a staunch defense of humanitarian policy yesterday, arguing that the attackers “wanted to undermine our sense of community, our openness and our willingness to help people in need. We firmly reject this.” To ease concerns for safety, she did present a nine-point plan for enacting better security. The plan even came with her own version of the “Yes we can” chant. “Wir schaffen das,” which more closely means “We can manage it,” couldn’t get any more Merkel-sounding.
NUTS AND BOLTS: SHOULD READ
Syria: Terrorists Like To Occasionally Rebrand
Former Syrian al-Qaeda affiliate Jabhet al-Nusra Front announced a major rebranding as it was spun out from under the umbrella of its terrorist multi-national parent al-Qaeda. Al-Nusra announced that it would no longer be affiliated with any foreign entity, allowing it to focus solely on domestic terrorism within Syria. The group will also change its name to the “Front for the Conquest of Syria,” or Jabhat Fateh al-Sham, and will begin by featuring its baby-faced genocidal leader Abu Mohammed al-Julani in an attempt to give him the stature of Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi who runs the more famous, yet equally terrible, ISIS.
Erdogan Fires All Discontents, Country Now Completely Silent
Surprising no one, Turkish President Erdogan is now saying that he wants the army under his control. Before the failed coup, Erdogan was already making the international community squeamish with his massive power grabs. The futile coup attempt only gave him the green light to really purge the system of his enemies. However, a move this bold would require a constitutional amendment, meaning opposition parties in parliament would need to support it. Normally that would be hard to do, but who is going to criticize Erdogan now that he’s already banished thousands from the government, thrown journalists in jail and shut down media outlets? Erdogan is so weary of criticism, that just yesterday he ordered the shutdown of three news agencies, 16 television channels, 45 newspapers, 15 magazines and 29 publishers. So things will probably be quiet at work these next few days.
North Korea Accuses South Korea Of Sending Them Snakes
Hollywood is missing out if this story doesn’t become the plot to Snakes On A Plane II. The North Korean government has ordered their border patrol guards to begin collecting snakes, arguing that the pesky reptiles could be some sort of weapon or propaganda tool used by the South Koreans. In what the DPRK is calling a “cunning scheme,” South Koreans are allegedly sneaking those snakes across the border just to piss off their neighbors to the north. Not all border police, however, are buying it. One source told The Guardian, “Not even a three-year-old would believe the South would attack us with snakes over propaganda leaflets or CDs.” He has a point. CDs could possibly be more effective, but would look much more conspicuous.
KEEPING OUR EYE ON
China: The Chinese government announced it will hold naval exercises with Russia in the contested South China Sea. Although there has been tension ever since The Hague ruled that China did not have historic rights to the South China Sea, China promises that these “exercises” with Russia are just drills and won’t be aimed at any country.
Amazon: The e-commerce behemoth was the latest tech giant to knock their earnings out of the park this week, reporting $30.4 billion in revenue off the back of cloud services and e-commerce growth driven partially by bets in India. They haven’t even started delivering by drone yet…
Poland: Pope Francis drew large crowds in Poland yesterday during World Youth Day celebrations where he urged people to embrace migrants and “humble love.”
LOOSE NUTS: FOR YOUR ENJOYMENT
Rio: No Need To Cut Pollution If You Don’t Swallow Anything
Rio has faced many problems in attempting to host the Summer Olympic Games, but there is one problem that can easily be solved: swimming in sewage is fine if you don’t open your mouth. Government officials admitted that they were unable to treat sewage and waste in the water that will host many of this year’s competitions. And sure, health experts have issued several warnings that athletes will “literally be swimming in human crap,” but this problem feels like a no-brainer to some. All athletes have to do is close their mouths while they’re competing, and they won’t swallow any of the human waste or toxic pollutants. I bet they feel better now.
