Turkey Rebuilds A Lost Empire, NASA Plans A Terrible Vacation

PNUT GALLERY

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IN A NUTSHELL: MUST READ

Turkey Quietly Rebuilding Ottoman Empire

Turkey widened its incursion into North Eastern Syria over the weekend as they captured territory from Kurdish fighters. The Syrian Observatory for Human Rights reported that 35 civilians died in the fighting, with Turkey saying only 25 Kurdish fighters died. Turkey is currently fighting both ISIS and the Kurdish forces, who, incidentally are also fighting ISIS, in a deadly ménage a trois that really isn’t good for anyone involved. Turkey is simultaneously fighting the PKK, a Kurdish separatist group on its side of the border. The PKK responded to Turkey’s widening assault by attacking a police HQ in the town of Cizre, killing 11 policemen.

Why did Turkey decide to invade Syria?

Turkey has been fighting a longstanding Kurdish insurgency in its southeast since 1984. The Kurdish minority in Turkey has long clamored for more autonomy and rights, which they claim the Turkish government has denied them. The same also held true for Kurdish minorities in Iraq, Iran and Syria. When the Syrian Civil War broke out, Kurdish groups seized the opportunity to seize control and create a semi-state called Rojava. Turkey fears that the establishment of a Kurdish state in northern Syria and Iraq might embolden Kurdish nationalists like the PKK to try and secede from Turkey. With the Syrian Civil War increasingly spilling over into Turkey, they’ve decided to go on the offensive and drive into northeastern Syria. Sounds like a recipe for disaster.

Good Read: The Dream Of A Secular Utopia In ISIS’ Backyard

NASA Returns From Worst Hawaiian Vacation Ever

A team of six people have finally completed a Mars simulation in Hawaii, where they got to live in Hawaii for a year but never got to enjoy it. The NASA-funded study sent a French astro-biologist, a German physicist and four American professionals to live in near isolation, without fresh air, food, privacy or any of the other perks that people usually go to Hawaii to enjoy. The experiment dealt with the human element of exploration, where they learned to share despite limited resources and work through personal conflicts. We’re not sure why NASA needed to fund this since that data is already available on Season 1 of Survivor. No word yet if Mars is their next stop, but they could probably use a beach day in the meantime. 

NUTS AND BOLTS: SHOULD READ

Both Of Gabon’s Presidential Candidates Claim Victory

Well, this is awkward. Both the supports of Gabon’s President Ali Bongo Ondimba and his chief rival, Jean Ping, declared victory after Saturday’s election. Win or lose, Ping’s entry into the race proved to be the most serious challenge to the Bongo family’s half-century rule. President Bongo first won election after his father Omar died in 2009 after serving 42 years as president, and hasn’t faced a serious contender since. He and Ping continue to exchange accusations of fraud in what has become an uncharacteristically bitter campaign in Gabon. Not even the interior ministry knows what to do next. They released a statement that acknowledged irregularities but offered little detail on who actually won and what they plan to do with all the claims of “massive fraud” being thrown around.

Italy’s Earthquake Problem Is Not Helping Their Mafia Problem

Because Italy doesn’t have enough to worry about while ensuring post-quake reconstruction, Italian authorities fear they cannot ensure that the mafia won’t play a role in the country’s reconstruction. Franco Roberti, the head of Italy’s national anti-mafia directorate, is here to remind us that two wrongs don’t make a right, even if the mob does have the supplies. There is good reason for the reminder. Organized crime operations were notorious for infiltrating construction contracts after the 1980 Irpinia earthquake near Naples. Roberti is calling on the government to ensure that they block the mafia from contributing teams, building materials or other resources because the last thing they should owe the mob is a favor.

German Vice-Chancellor Hates Optimism

Germany’s Vice-Chancellor Sigmar Gabriel struck an excessively pessimistic tone over the weekend. He started off by warning that Brexit might send the “EU down the drain” if it was handled badly and that people were now viewing Europe as an unstable continent. He’s a bit late to the game given that a quick Google search shows that people have been calling Europe unstable since at least 2011. He warned against letting Britain pick and choose what it liked about the EU without assuming some responsibility. He also had a negative sentiment for his friends across the Atlantic, claiming that the US-EU trade deal, otherwise known as TTIP, was as good as dead. His pessimism on this front is not without grounds: he claims that in the past 14 negotiations, both sides failed to agree on any of the 27 chapters they were negotiating, which is a pretty impressive failure rate.

KEEPING OUR EYE ON

Iran: The country arrested an Iranian nuclear deal negotiator on spying charges. While the details of the arrest remain unconfirmed, media sources speculate that he was a member of a parallel team working on lifting economic sanctions, under one of the main negotiators for the deal, before stealing information.

Nigeria: President Muhammadu Buhari released a statement saying that Boko Haram leader Abubakar Shekau was wounded during an airstrike. At a conference in Nairobi, Buhari presented the new report and argued that Shekau is being “edged out” of the group due to recent power struggles.

Uzbekistan: Provoking even more rumors that he is seriously ill, the government confirmed that President Islam Karimov was taken to the hospital. The Uzbek government announced that the 78-year-old leader was undergoing a full examination and treatment would “take a certain period of time.” Karimov has not been seen by the public since August 17.

 LOOSE NUTS: FOR YOUR ENJOYMENT

Kim Jong-un Throws A Dance Party For His Missiles

What better way to celebrate a missile launch than with a dance party? And what better way to celebrate a dance party than with a missile launch? North Korea kicked off its “Military First” holiday to celebrate the recent success of its ballistic missile testing. The party raged with mass dancing demonstrations across the country and a series of outdoor concerts in Pyongyang. The “Military First” holiday was meant to recognize the anniversary of the Songun policy introduced in 1960, but there are so many more reasons to cheer this year that they extended the partying. North Korea also used this time to remind Seoul and Washington that the DPRK will turn them into “a heap of ashes through a Korean-style pre-emptive strike” if they show any hint of aggression. Rock on!

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