UN’s Shady Business And Dilma’s ‘Clean Conscious’

PNUT GALLERY

We tip our hats to the genius of Gene Wilder today. The writer, actor and comedic icon died at age 83.

 IN A NUTSHELL: MUST READ

UN Pays Tens Of Millions To Assad Regime

Yeah, you read that correctly. In an exclusive report, The Guardian revealed that the United Nations has awarded contracts worth tens of millions of dollars to various friends, colleagues and close associates of Syrian President Bashar al-Assad. These include companies set up by Syrian First Lady Asma al-Assad and Rami Makhlouf, who has an impressive resume of being Bashar’s cousin, closest associate and a Panama Papers alum. The Guardian offers a lengthly list of businessmen whose companies are under US and EU sanctions, along with the UN money each received. Not a great look for the UN. And yet, they are still one of the few organizations that can bring aid into Syria. The United Nations defends these payments, arguing that it has to work with the regime if it wants to operate in Syria. Still, in the future it may prove difficult for the UN to go after a government for corruption using their own receipts as evidence.

Dilma Rousseff’s Conscience Is Cleaner Than Yours

Brazil’s suspended President Dilma Rousseff took to the stand in her impeachment trial this week, wowing the crowd with her “absolutely clean” conscience and a reminder that she was reelected by 54 million voters. What else can she say? The fans love her. For those that still need convincing, Rousseff is being accused of moving funds between government budgets, ultimately manipulating the budget to hide a growing deficit. This used to be a huge scandal but it doesn’t even sound that bad compared to the Brazilian government’s more recent headlines and bouts with corruption. Senators are still cross-examining her and are due to vote later this week on whether she should be removed from office or reinstated.

NUTS AND BOLTS: SHOULD READ

Timor-Leste Is Bringing Australia To Court

Sometimes we wish the Hague had their TV show, like an international Judge Judy. In the latest episode of the Hague’s already busy season, Australia is being forced to appear before the court of arbitration, the first time any country has been brought before a “compulsory conciliation.” Timor-Leste brought the country in, after Oz’s consistent refusal to negotiate a permanent maritime boundary and revelations Australian agents spied on Timor-Leste’s government during earlier treaty talks.

Why so much drama?

The two countries have been arguing over the maritime boundary for years, most notably because there is an estimated $40 billion worth of oil and gas under their shared seas. Timor-Leste argues that the median line should be equidistant between the two of them, which would put the majority of the underwater currency in their own territory. We don’t want to give away any spoilers, but Timor-Leste’s position is already supported by international law, the UN Convention on the Law of the Sea (UNCLOS), which Australia signed and ratified in 1994.

Dubai: Surprise! The Boss Is Here!

Government employees in Dubai picked a terrible day to be late to work when their boss, Dubai ruler Sheikh Mohammed bin Rashid decided to give them a surprise visit. The twitter handle for the state media outlet posted a hilariously awkward 14 second clip of the Sheikh walking around empty desks wondering “where is everybody?” It was apparently the first day of the school year and perhaps the team had decided to enjoy the quiet house without the kids? Not amused by their absence the Sheikh ordered nine senior officials to “retire” stating that “timeliness starts at the top and we won’t go after the employees when their bosses aren’t there.” Epic mic drop.

Facebook Replaces People With Robots, Immediately Fails

Look, every social media platform has a purpose. We go to Twitter to find trending stories. We go to Facebook to look at wedding photos of people we don’t recall meeting. We go to LinkedIn to shout our resumes at one another. Facebook’s attempt to be a trusted purveyor of breaking news hit a snafu over the weekend, after the social network promoted a fake news story about Fox News anchor Megyn Kelly. The story erroneously claimed Fox News had fired Kelly for “backing Hillary,” which Facebook then promoted to its “Trending Topics” section, a portal on the website’s front page that is visited by more than 1.7 billion people each month. Though Facebook has since apologized, it reignites the conversation on how Facebook handles content.

What’s the big deal?

Back in May, Facebook was accused of featuring stories based on employees’ own political beliefs. At the time, Facebook investigated the issue themselves and found no wrongdoing. But then last Friday, Facebook announced they were no longer writing their own descriptions of trending topics and would let computer algorithms do some of the heavy lifting. Looks like the robots are no better, either.

KEEPING OUR EYE ON

Yemen: ISIS detonated a car bomb in central Aden over the weekend, killing 71 people. Meanwhile, attempts at negotiating with Saudi Arabia have become even less likely, after Houthi forces fired rockets at Saudi Arabia again, ending a lull of several weeks.

Kashmir: To celebrate the end of a curfew that had been imposed for two months, violence immediately erupted in several parts of the capital, Srinagar. Residents hurled stones and protested Indian rule before the curfew was reinstated.

France: The country’s attempt at driving out refugees by demolishing half of the Calais “Jungle” Camp backfired. French police say the population of migrants in the camp doubled since June to nearly 10,000 people.

 LOOSE NUTS: FOR YOUR ENJOYMENT

Man In Gorilla Costume Drags Child To Honor Harambe

This has gone too far. Yes, it’s sad that Harambe the silverback gorilla was shot dead in May after a three-year-old child fell into his enclosure, but surely there are more tactful ways to honor his memory and learn from those mistakes. A Cincinnati school made a gorilla the new mascot for its football team to pay respects to the late primate. That alone could have been a sweet gesture, if the mascot didn’t start dragging a child by the arm around the football pitch in a manner reminiscent of the way in which the real Harambe pulled a child around his enclosure.