Hong Kong Knows How To Party, France Knows How To Eat With Forks

PNUT GALLERY 

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IN A NUTSHELL: MUST READ

 Jokes Aside, Are We Really Facing A New Cold War?

While we’ve been quasi-joking for the past few months about the return of a new cold war, former MI6 chief Sir John Sawyers warned that things might be even “more dangerous” than the cold war era. Sawyers warned of Russia’s boosted military capabilities and its willingness to use it in places like Syria. He didn’t even get into Russia’s cyber warfare capabilities which it is using to meddle in the US election.

Things are certainly tense between Russia and the West, with UK Foreign Secretary and trapeze artist Boris Johnson calling for protests outside the Russian embassy in London and Russia’s Foreign Secretary remarking that there are “so many p*****s” on both sides of the US election… real diplomatic, guys.

PNUTTY VIDEO: Watch The Russian Foreign Minister’s Full “P***y” Comment

Hong Kong Ceremony Turns Into Anti-China Rave

China can say whatever it wants about the “radical” young activists who claimed seats in Hong Kong’s legislative council, but they know how to throw a party. At the swearing-in ceremony, the six new members of LegCo put on their pro-democracy dancing shoes and made sure China knew where they stood. Activist leaders such as Nathan Law and Sixtus “Baggio” Leung kicked things off by denouncing Chinese authority. Lawmaker Fernando Cheung tore up a copy of the controversial proposed anti-subversion legislation as he took his oath. Yau Wai-ching decided to pledge allegiance to “The People’s Ref*cking of Shina” instead– Shina being a derogatory term referring to China in Japanese. What was meant to be a quiet, traditional ceremony turned into a chaotic celebration for the young rebels, making Hong Kong’s old guard nervous for how China could respond.

 NUTS AND BOLTS: SHOULD READ

Thai King Hospitalized And It’s Not Looking Good

The world’s longest reigning monarch, King Bhumibol of Thailand, has been hospitalized in Bangkok and has not been seen in public since January 11. The King is 88 and has been on the throne for 70 years. Crown Prince Maha Vajiralongkorn and his three siblings all visited their father at the hospital on Wednesday. Sorry this blurb isn’t funny, but the beloved King is dying and according to Thai law, it is illegal to insult or defame the King, so we’re going to play it safe.

‘Forkgate’ Is The Political Drama You Never Knew You Wanted

In another sophisticated and politically salient example of politicians’ oratory abilities, Polish Deputy Defense Minister Bartosz Kownacki accused France of lacking “class” after a deal to purchase 50 Caracal helicopters fell through after months of negotiation. After French aircraft manufacturer, Airbus, responded by threatening to sue Poland for bribery, Minister Kownacki retorted by claiming that the French, “are a people who learned to eat with a fork from us a few centuries ago. So maybe this is why they are behaving in this way now.” We are still trying to understand the correlation between legal action and the correct use of cutlery, but nothing hits home quite as hard as an insult to your ability to eat, especially when you suddenly learn that the Poles had to teach you.

#ThrowbackThursday: Multiple Countries Return To The Dark Ages

We’re not sure if it’s something in the water, but most of today’s headlines were grim and a little barbaric… even more so than usual. In Belarus, it was revealed that the last European country to retain capital punishment is back to its old ways. Not long after the EU lifted its sanctions against Belarusian Alexander Lukashenko this year, the country celebrated by sentencing people to death again. And speaking of harsh punishments, Indonesia’s parliament passed a controversial new law allowing chemical castration and execution as options for convicted pedophiles. Nobody likes to be put in a position where they have to defend a pedophile, but state-sanctioned castration is a bit much.

 KEEPING OUR EYE ON

El Salvador: The country’s left-wing FMLN party is trying to pass a law that would allow women to terminate pregnancies in instances of rape or health risks. Abortion is still completely banned in El Salvador and for this bill to pass, FMLN will need the support of 12 additional lawmakers.

Yemen: An American Navy destroyer was targeted again in a failed missile attack – the second in four days. It’s believed that Houthi rebels are targeting US ships due to their support of Saudi forces. The USS Mason fired defensive salvos in response this time, but no damage was caused.

Wells Fargo: After several grueling sessions in front of Congress Wells Fargo CEO decided to call it quits. John Stumpf stepped down after it was revealed that bank employees were making fake accounts for customers for years to make sales targets.

SPONSORED NUTS: BOMBAS SOCKS

With winter around the corner your feet are bound to get chilly so we’ve partnered with Bombas Socks for some ultra-soft socks with a 100% satisfaction guarantee. The part that really got us excited about this brand though is that for every purchase Bombas will donate one pair of socks to homeless shelters.

Get Them Now And Bombas Will Donate One Pair To Someone In Need

PNUTTY VIDEO

Russia’s foreign secretary said there are “so many p*****s” on both sides of the US presidential election.

President Obama explains how the GOP produced Trump.

PNUT ORIGINALS

We look at why the 2016 election is not like Brexit.

Find out how the German and Hebrew languages are converging today.

Remember Merrick Garland? The GOP had better accept him while they still can.

LOOSE NUTS: FOR YOUR ENJOYMENT

Mail Carriers Rejoice: Samsung Provides Fire-Proof Packaging

Samsung is now trying to put out the fire before it starts. Just one day after announcing the end for its Galaxy Note 7, the Korean tech giant announced it would begin sending thermally-insulated return kits so that consumers can return their phones without setting any post offices on fire. Along with safety gloves and thorough assembly instructions, the fire-proof casing shows just how serious Samsung is about customer safety now.