Halloween Pnut: Clowns, Zombies And Anthony Weiner

PNUT GALLERY

Whoever wins in November is going to inherit a global mess, from the fight against climate change to what to do in Syria. Join us and IVY on Nov 9 (the day after the election) in NYC for a discussion with Daniel Kurtzner, the former US Ambassador to Egypt and Israel, to discuss the foreign policy challenges for the next administration. You can learn how to get tickets here with IVY! Looking forward to seeing you there.

 IN A NUTSHELL: MUST READ

 #Pnut4Prez: Weiner Woes Worry Weary Americans

In a plot twist that could have been lifted from House of Cards, FBI Director James Comey announced on Thursday that he would kinda/sorta/maybe look into reopening the FBI investigation into Hillary Clinton’s emails. Apparently they recently discovered some more emails that might belong to Hillary Clinton. The source? Anthony Weiner’s laptops. You might remember Anthony Weiner as the former New York Congressman who ruined his career twice for sending photos of his wiener to women via twitter. He was recently busted again while sexting a 15-year-old girl, which is what prompted the FBI to take hold of his laptop. His estranged wife is Huma Abedin, a longtime aide to Hillary Clinton, and it’s assumed that these emails are her forwards. At this point though, we really have no idea what emails were found, who they belong to and if they are even new. Senate Minority Leader Harry Reid attacked Comey for the timing and opacity of his statement, saying this was a partisan attack and that he may have broken the law. Meanwhile, can you imagine the poor analyst that had to wade through hundreds of photos of Weiner’s genitals before discovering more Hillary emails?

Chaos Reigns In North Dakota As Pipeline Protests Escalate

The stand-off over the proposed North Dakota pipeline continues to see violence and chaotic reactions, after police in riot gear faced off with Native American tribal members and activists. Protests initially began to block construction of a four-state, $3.8 billion oil pipeline that the Standing Rock Sioux nation says threatens both the tribe’s water supply and its sacred sites. As the chaos continues to escalate, protestors are now reporting that some of the arrested tribal members had numbers written on their arms and were housed in dog kennels without bedding. Others claim officers are now pelting protestors with rubber bullets and investigators are still trying to figure out if the nearby fire that destroyed 400 acres of land had anything to do with the violence or it was just a cruel coincidence.

 NUTS AND BOLTS: SHOULD READ

 Australia Bans The People They Were Never Going To Let In Anyway

Because Australia’s refugee “processing centers” in Nauru and Manus Island weren’t getting enough international criticism, Prime Minister Malcolm Turnbull unveiled a new plan to ban any asylum seeker who tries to reach the country by boat. Reminder: Australia is an island. Placing a lifetime ban on anyone who enters the country the same way the British made it to Australia seems a bit hypocritical if not impractical. Asylum seekers who arrived by boat were already blocked from entering Australia and usually ended up in one of the highly controversial camps on Nauru or Manus, but now they will receive a lifetime ban just for trying. In an attempt to pretend it’s not a direct attack on refugees, the ban also applies to those traveling as tourists or for business, so maybe don’t consider Australia if you don’t have the frequent flier miles.

This Is Not Déjà Vu: Another Earthquake Rocked Central Italy

For the second time in a week, central Italy was rocked by a major earthquake. Fortunately, neither Sunday’s 6.6 magnitude quake nor Wednesday’s 5.5 and 6.1 magnitude earthquakes caused any fatalities. Unfortunately, the Italian government estimates that as many as 100,000 people could be displaced. Many residents had evacuated their homes after Wednesday’s quakes, and even more houses and historic landmarks were destroyed on Sunday, including San Benedetto cathedral in Norcia, a 14th century church.

El Salvador Is The Next Country On ‘Corrupt World Leader Bingo’

Former El Salvador President Elias Antonio Saca was caught being too fabulous during his presidency, or as some would like to call it, “embezzlement.” Saca, along with six other former officials in his government, were arrested for allegedly embezzling millions of dollars of public funds. But he won’t go down in history as their worst leader, rather, he was just following in the footsteps of El Salvador’s rich legacy of arresting former presidents. Saca is one of three former presidents currently under investigation. His successor President Mauricio Funes is facing a civil action in connection with illegal obtained funds while his predecessor President Francisco Flores died from a stroke while awaiting trial on charges of embezzlement and illegal enrichment.

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 KEEPING OUR EYE ON

Iceland: Though they sadly fell short of a majority win, Iceland’s Pirate Party did triple its seats in the 63-seat parliament. Realizing that the people want more pirates, Prime Minister Sigurdur Ingi Johannsson resigned yesterday. It may have had something to do with being caught with offshore accounts in the Panama Papers leak, but we’d rather say it was pirates.

Syria: Yesterday was Day 3 of the Syrian rebels’ counterattack on the government’s siege on Aleppo, and with it came a poisonous gas attack. Both sides are accusing the other of using shells containing chlorine gas at a residential area, harming at least three dozen people. 

 PNUTTY VIDEOS

Here’s how to avoid getting duped by fake news articles. It’s a plague you don’t want to catch.

Joe Biden’s response to a question about Anthony Weiner sums up how America feels.

 PNUT ORIGINALS 

The opera used to be wild and a little raunchy. This New York-based drag show is bringing that tradition back.

We hate having to ask this, but just in case Donald Trump does contest the election, this is what might happen.

Despite reports, the Great Barrier Reef isn’t actually dead, so there might be time to save it.

 LOOSE NUTS: FOR YOUR ENJOYMENT

 Report: Only Boston Is Capable Of Handling Zombies

Good news, Bostonians. A recent study showed that your city is best equipped to handle fleets of vacuous soul-sucking zombies, and this time we don’t mean your 250,000 college students. The website CareerBuilder created a Halloween-themed study that scored 53 American cities’ probability of surviving a zombie invasion. The index was based on four categories: ability to defend against the virus, ability to contain the virus, ability to find a cure and ability to outlast the epidemic. Boston won by a landslide, no doubt thanks to their universities that could find a cure and their experience managing centuries worth of finals weeks.