Pnut Election Poll Results: Anything Could Happen

With a week to go before Election Day, we asked Pnut readers who they planned to vote for and what they think will have happened when they wake up on November 9. Here’s what they said:

Their voices will be heard.

58 percent of readers will definitely vote.

35 percent of readers have already voted.

3 percent of readers might vote.

4 percent of readers definitely won’t vote. We pray it’s because they are not American citizens.

And most will be voting for Hillary Clinton.

75 percent of readers plan to vote for Hillary Clinton.

11 percent of readers plan to vote for Donald Trump.

6 percent of readers plan to vote for Gary Johnson.

3 percent of readers plan to vote for Jill Stein.

2 percent of readers are undecided, which probably means they have been in a coma for 18 months.

Pnut readers agree with the statisticians and bookies.

87 percent believe Hillary Clinton will win.

12 percent believe Donald Trump will win.

1 percent think someone else will win. They also probably think we faked the moon landing.

But nobody really knows what to expect come November 9.

Here are some of the newspaper headlines our readers predicted:

• “Well, here we go.”
• “Trump refuses election results!!!!”
• “God help us.”
• “Earthquake rocks Italy… Again”
• “Trump wins in historical landslide”
• “What now??”
• “Hillary Indicted”
• “Glass Cieling is Shattered!”
• “Hillary belongs in Prison and Trump in Nut House”
• “Common Sense Prevails. Trump Starts Cable Channel. First Show Interviews Alien in Charge of Election Rigging, Chemtrails and his childrens’ Mind Control Programs.”
• “Trump supporters riot, claiming Election day is not until Nov 28”
• “Unpack your bags, America!”
• “It’s finally over and the world didn’t blow up.”
• “Someone won the election, doesn’t matter who we’re fucked anyway”
• “Clinton Grabs Election by the P****”

Buckle up, America. Anything could happen.