Lebanon Finds A President While Vine Finds A Solution…Kind Of

PNUT GALLERY

The election is only a week away! Who are you planning to vote for? If you haven’t decided by now, you’ve probably just woken up from a coma.

Let us know what you want to happen and what you think will happen next week in our last pre-election poll.  

 IN A NUTSHELL: MUST READ

 #Pnut4Prez: One Week Until The Season Finale Of America

This time next week millions of Americans will go to the polls to vote and hopefully put an end to this election… assuming no one says it is rigged. Here is a quick update on what’s going on:

• The FBI got a warrant to search the laptop and emails of Hillary’s longtime aide Huma Abedin. Huma got dragged into this email mess when it emerged that the FBI found some of Hillary’s emails on her husband and serial sexter Anthony Weiner’s laptop. The race has slightly tightened in the past week, with improving odds of a Trump victory.
• Trump encouraged his supporters to vote early, vote often in a rally in Colorado. Telling them to mail-in a ballot, then go and request a new ballot come election day to make sure they are counted. The problem with that method is that it means you would vote twice, which is illegal. Meanwhile, another Iowa voter actually voted twice for Trump. When she was busted she said it was a “spur of the moment” decision and that she did it because the “polls are rigged.” Comforting…

PNUT READ: What Actually Happens In A Contested Election?

Geert Wilders Too Good To Show Up To His Own Trial

The Netherlands kicked off their first day of proceedings against far-right leader Geert Wilders on charges of inciting racial discrimination. The Dutch really pulled out the stops for this party, even holding the trial at Schiphol airport – at Wilders’ request – citing the politician’s need for top security. Yet, the man of the hour couldn’t be bothered to show up to his own party. Charges were brought against Wilders after 6,000 people filed official complaints when he promised to “take care of” the Moroccan population living the country.

If you’re not familiar with Geert Wilders, he’s the far-right, anti-Islam, Dutch celebrity that looks like Donald Trump had a child with Beethoven’s ghost. Not only did baby Ludwig not show up to his trial, but he doubled-down on the language that got him charged with discrimination in the first place: reiterating that the Netherlands has a “huge problem with Moroccans,” adding,“to be silent about it is cowardly.” Bold words coming from the guy too afraid of his own trial.

 NUTS & BOLTS: SHOULD READ

 Lebanon Finally Gets Around To Electing A President

It took them more than two years but the Lebanese were eventually able to figure things out and elect a President. After 46 tries the Lebanese Parliament elected Michel Aoun to the largely ceremonial post of President. The 83-year-old former general was backed by Hizbullah and other pro-Syrian factions, which is an interesting reversal since, during the Lebanese Civil War, he spent most of his time fighting them. In 1990, when he was previously president, things were so tense between him and the Syrians that they invaded and kicked him out of the country. As the US gears up to pick between two of the most disliked Presidential candidates in history, we have to ask ourselves, if the Lebanese can go two years without someone at the helm, maybe we can give that a shot too?

Iraqi Forces Are Just Inches Away From Mosul

Workers Party Pays For Its Sins As Evangelical Elected Mayor of Rio de Janeiro

The third time was the charm for anti-establishment, former-gospel-singer-turned-evangelical-bishop, Marcelo Crivella, who was elected mayor of Rio de Janeiro on Sunday. Apparently, the sins of Brazil’s Worker’s Party (PT) are worse than Crivella’s condemnation of Catholics and homosexuals. The PT, plagued by corruption scandals tainting the reputations of even the most beloved Brazilian politicians, lost every mayoral race it contested. Could this right-wing, anti-establishment surge be a preview of what’s to come in America next week?

 KEEPING OUR EYE ON

Morocco: Police are now investigating the gruesome death of Mouhcine Fikri, a 31-year-old fishmonger who was crushed by a garbage truck. His death sparked some of the post serious protests in a decade, where some are even comparing his death to Mohamed Bouazizi, whose death in Tunisia is thought to have catalyzed Arab Spring in 2011.

Turkey: The crackdowns continue, this time with Turkish police raiding the headquarters of Turkish newspaper Cumhuriyet. Editor-in-Chief Murat Sabuncu, along with a dozen other reporters, were arrested and accused of crimes on behalf of enemies of the state.

 PNUTTY VIDEOS

John Oliver didn’t want to talk about Hillary Clinton’s emails, but he did anyway.

If you’re sick of hearing about the election or the emails or Anthony Weiner or all of the above, John Oliver also had a hilarious riff on an important and serious issue: school segregation.

 LOOSE NUTS: FOR YOUR ENJOYMENT

 PornHub Offered To Buy Vine, Make It NSFW

Not long after the internet wept at the news of Twitter ending its six-second video platform Vine, PornHub came to the rescue and offered to buy the beloved humor video site. I guess not all heroes wear capes. As an adult megasite, PornHub says that if they’re able to buy Vine, they promises to “restore Vine to its NSFW glory,” saying that clips “of porn in six seconds is more than enough time for most people to enjoy themselves.” Have to hand it to PornHub, they know their clientele. It’s safe to assume that even if we get Vine back, it will be a very different Vine.