November 22, 2016
Water Cannons Hurt Protests While Pet Monkeys Spark Widespread Violence
PNUT GALLERY
Germany’s most famous dominatrix will finally get a street named after her in Hamburg. Prost!
IN A NUTSHELL: MUST READ
Water Cannons Are The Latest Splash In The North Dakota Protests
It seems like a cruel irony to target protestors – especially those who are arguing for access to clear water – with a massive water cannon. Activists that are demonstrating against the proposed North Dakota Pipeline said that police used water jets in sub-freezing temperatures against the estimated 400 demonstrators at Backwater Bridge. For weeks, Sioux tribes and their allies have been protesting the pipeline, fearing that it will destroy sacred sites and pollute water supplies. Tensions continue to escalate as hundreds of demonstrators have been arrested. Even the United Nations stepped in and criticized authorities for their use of excessive force. According to a representative from Water Protectors Legal Collective, legal observers reported sound cannons, rubber bullets, mace and a water cannon all in use over the weekend.
Cool Pope Francis Willing To Forgive Abortion
Perhaps hoping to make amends for not letting women be priests, The Cool Pope released an apostolic letter yesterday, extending indefinitely the power of Catholic priests to forgive abortions. The new rule, which was granted as part of the “Year of Mercy” tour, will give all priests, rather than just bishops and specially designated confessors, the power to absolve the sin of abortion.
It’s unclear how this will affect the Church’s relationship with women believers, or even how it might influence policy in Catholic-majority countries. As we speak, Poland is trying to tighten its abortion laws and citing its Catholic faith in doing so. El Salvador, Chile and Nicaragua have outlawed women’s access to abortion for similar reasons. Hell, even Vatican City bans abortion in its entirety. It would be naive to think this might convince Catholic-led governments to consider the health and safety of women first, but the Pope’s symbolic gesture is welcomed.
NUTS AND BOLTS: SHOULD READ
Shia Muslims Continue To Face Attacks In Afghanistan
The Shia communities in Kabul are mourning a suicide attack that killed more than 30 people and wounded 80 others. Unsurprisingly, ISIS was eager to take credit for this one, because it carried all the hallmarks of human indecency: the attack was carried out on the Baqir ul-Uloom mosque while it was jam-packed with people celebrating a Shia religious holiday. People were wrapping up a prayer ceremony for Arbaeen, which marks the 40th day of the martyrdom of Imam Hussein, when the attack began. The number of dead, which included at least one child, was expected to rise.
Pnut Read: What You Need To Know About Today’s ISIS
Made In Malaysia (By Abused Workers)
The fine print on your new Samsung or Panasonic products won’t tell you what the workers who made the electronics were put through, but a recent investigation by the Guardian will. According to dozens of Nepalese workers at factories in Malaysia, they are being exploited by their employers. The workers, who are hired by third parties, claim they had their passports taken and have not been paid what they were promised. Samsung and Panasonic deny any wrongdoing and say they are launching their own investigations. You might want to think twice before buying that new Samsung microwave on Black Friday.
SPONSORED NUTS: BOMBAS SOCKS
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KEEPING OUR EYE ON
Chattanooga: A school bus full of elementary school children crashed in Chattanooga, TN. At least 23 people were taken to the hospital and there were multiple fatalities, though the number was unclear at the time of writing. We will continue to monitor.
Japan: A 6.9-magnitude earthquake struck the region near Fukushima in Japan reminiscent of the 2011 quake that resulted in more than 20,000 deaths. There have been small tsunamis so far, and thankfully no recorded fatalities. We will continue to monitor.
Monkeys: At least 20 people are dead in the south Libyan town of Sabha after fights broke out between the Awlad Suleiman and Guedadfa clans. It all started when a pet monkey reportedly assaulted a school girl, leading her family to take revenge on the family pet and three other men. But this isn’t your typical West Side Story. Reports claim that tanks, rockets and mortars are all being used in this family feud.
Soccer: After embarrassing losses to Mexico and Costa Rica in the qualifying matches for the 2018 World Cup, US Soccer fired Jürgen Klinsmann from coaching the American national team. It’s unclear who will replace him, though some reporters speculate it will be Bruce Arena, who previously coached the national team from 1998 through 2006.
LOOSE NUTS: FOR YOUR ENJOYMENT
Kanye Is Trying His Best To Lose All Of His Friends
If the other headlines got you down, at least you can take comfort knowing that Kanye West is here to keep us entertained. West sent many fans into an existential crisis last week when he said he didn’t vote, but would have voted for Trump. While his fans were still struggling to reconcile their fandom with their politics, Kanye then when on a rant during his show in Sacramento, criticizing Hillary Clinton and even (gasp) Beyonce. Nobody criticizes Beyonce and gets away with it. Perhaps fearing that he’ll get the same treatment Mike Pence got at Hamilton, Kanye West is canceling all remaining dates of his Saint Pablo tour. It might be the final nail in the coffin for fans who were planning to see the tour, but Live Nation promises to refund tickets within 5-7 business days.
