Prisons, Cat Ladies, Rich People, & Teeny Burritos

July 26, 2024

Hello, readers – happy Friday! Today, we’re talking about prisons, J.D. Vance, tech security, rich people getting richer, Southwest’s switch, homeless encampments, and Chipotle portion sizes.

Here’s some good news: Puerto Rico’s governor signed a law that prohibits discrimination against people wearing Afros, curls, locs, twists, braids, and other hairstyles. Also, Georgia state Superintendent Richard Woods said the state will pay for districts to teach a new Advanced Placement course in African American Studies, walking back on his ruling that districts could only teach the course using local funds.

“Someone is sitting in the shade today because someone planted a tree a long time ago.” – Warren Buffett

Supervising The Supervisors

(Prison by Scott Olson via Getty Images)

Who watches the watchers? In American prisons, the answer to that question will soon be “an independent ombudsman set up by the Federal Prison Oversight Act.” That act was signed into law by President Biden yesterday and seeks to increase oversight at the federal Bureau of Prisons, which has faced many controversies (including sexual assaults by employees, understaffing, and prisoner deaths) by increasing facility inspections and setting up an independent route for complaints to be collected and addressed. “The human rights crisis behind bars in the United States is a stain on America’s conscience,” said Sen. Jon Ossoff (D-Ga), who introduced the bill in 2022.

Prisoners in America’s largest maximum-security prison (nicknamed Angola) also had good news this week. A federal judge has challenged the treatment of incarcerated workers forced to labor in the prison’s fields during the hottest days of summer, ordering the state of Louisiana to fix “glaring deficiencies” in its prison labor policies, adding that correctional officials have treated prisoners with “deliberate indifference.” Before you ask – yes, prisons are legally allowed to force prisoners to work under threat of punishment as severe as solitary confinement. That’s because the Thirteenth Amendment does not forbid slavery or involuntary servitude “as punishment for crime whereof the party shall have been duly convicted.”

Will This Hillbilly Need An Elegy Soon?

Republican vice presidential candidate J.D. Vance is having a rough week. After bombing in front of a home crowd with a joke about Diet Mountain Dew, the Hillbilly Elegy author became the first-ever vice presidential nominee to have his polling numbers actually decrease after gaining the nomination. Now, he’s getting slammed by Jennifer Aniston and Taylor Swift fans over a resurfaced 2021 interview where he said the U.S. was being ruled by “a bunch of childless cat ladies.”

CNN’s numbers showed that, since 2000, most vice presidential nominees’ net favorability numbers increased by an average of 19 points. Vance’s stats broke records with a decrease of six points, making him the first VP pick to lose favorability by being nominated.

In a 2021 appearance with Tucker Carlson, Vance says that the country is being run by “a bunch of childless cat ladies who are miserable at their own lives and the choices that they’ve made,” going on to name Vice President Kamala Harris, Pete Buttigieg, and AOC. Apparently, things are going so badly for Vance that some in the Republican Party have begun calling for Trump to find a new running mate – though Vance might be okay with that, as his book has seen a massive spike in demand following his vice presidential nomination.

Comin’ Together To Make Some Wealth

(David Lammy by Wiktor Szymanowicz via Getty Images

What’s more heartwarming than a nice, cozy family get-together? Apparently, a commonwealth reunion. India and the United Kingdom have announced a new joint technology security initiative, which will see the two countries collaborate on various technology projects such as AI, semiconductors, and telecoms devices.
“Together we can unlock mutual growth, boost innovation, jobs and investment,” said British Foreign Secretary David Lammy’s office. The announcement coincides with the new foreign secretary’s first visit to India, where he met with his counterpart, Subrahmanyam Jaishankar. Besides the technology initiative, the two countries are also hammering out a deal to expand trade between the two global powers to $100 billion by 2030.

Girls (And Boys) Just Want To Have Funds

According to a new report by Oxfam International, the top 1% of global earners saw their fortunes grow by more than $42 trillion over the past decade. That growth is more than 34 times the rate experienced by the poorest 50% of the global population. In terms of inflation-adjusted real dollars, one-percenters saw their wealth grow by almost $400,000 per person, while the bottom 50% saw their fortunes grow by just $335 (9 cents per day!) during the same period.
“Inequality has reached obscene levels, and until now governments have failed to protect people and planet from its catastrophic effects,” said Oxfam’s head of inequality policy. “The richest one percent of humanity continues to fill their pockets while the rest are left to scrap for crumbs.” The findings were tactically released ahead of a G20 meeting of finance and economic ministers in Brazil, where the world’s 20 biggest economies agreed to hammer out some form of a billionaire tax, though it’s unclear how such a wide-ranging reform would actually be executed.

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Closed Season For Open Seating

Imagine McDonald’s without the Big Mac, or Olive Garden without the breadsticks, or Thanksgiving without a mildly-racist drunk uncle. Well, Southwest is getting rid of one of their key features – they’ll be moving to an assigned seating model, doing away with their free-for-all seating style they’ve come to be known for.
Southwest cited data showing that when people switch to a competing airline, the top reason unhappy passengers provided was the airline’s open seating. Of course, this shift isn’t entirely for the benefit of the passengers – Southwest can now charge more money for better seats. CEO Bob Jordan told investors Southwest has no plans to start charging for the first two checked bags, so, at least there’s that bright spot.

A California Crackdown

California Gov. Gavin Newsom issued an executive order Thursday calling on state officials to begin taking down homeless encampments across the state. His order comes about a month after the Supreme Court ruled in favor of an Oregon city that ticketed homeless people for sleeping outside.
California has the largest homeless population – more than 180,000 people – in the nation. The order calls on state officials “to adopt humane and dignified policies to urgently address encampments on state property.” Michael Weinstein, president of the AIDS Healthcare Foundation, accused Newsom of “criminalizing poverty.”

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The Chicken Bowl Conspiracy

Over the past year or so, discourse over Chipotle’s offerings has reached a fever pitch. Luckily, the controversy this time isn’t over E. coli in your burrito bowl – instead, influencers have been complaining about portion sizes. The scoop-size conspiracy theories have gotten so bad that Chipotle’s CEO has been forced to make multiple public statements on the matter, reassuring customers that the fast food company has not instituted any policy aimed at shrinking your burrito size.
Unfortunately for Chipotle, carnitas conspiracies are still bouncing around the internet. So, CEO Brian Niccol has been forced to take a stand once again. In an earnings call on Wednesday, Niccol told the public that “there was never a directive to provide less to our customers,” but added that the company has been “re-emphasizing training and coaching around ensuring we are consistently making bowls and burritos correctly … Generous portion is a core brand equity of Chipotle. It always has been, and it always will be.”
It seems like the focus on portion sizes might actually be founded in reality, though – just last month, a Wells Fargo analyst ordered the same Chipotle burrito bowl 75 times, weighing each order. He and his team found that the biggest bowl was almost twice as heavy as the smallest. As for the supposed difference in online versus in-person orders, that same “study” found just a one-ounce difference in portion sizes.

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