Pete Hegseth, The Pope, A Purse Snatcher, & Problems For Google
April 22, 2025
Hello, readers – happy Tuesday! Today, we’ll be talking about another not-secure group chat, Pope Francis, a prisoner swap, a warning from China, Trump’s inaugural fund, a purse thief, and Google’s troubles.
Here’s some good news: Sharon Lokedi, 31, broke the Boston Marathon course record on Monday with an unofficial time of 2 hours, 17 minutes, 22 seconds (over 2.5 minutes faster than the previous record set by Buzunesh Deba in 2014). Also, grassroots activists who helped jail corrupt officials and obtain personhood rights for a sacred Amazonian river are among this year’s winners of the Goldman prize, the world’s most prestigious environmental prize.
“Take chances, make mistakes. That’s how you grow. Pain nourishes your courage. You have to fail in order to practice being brave.” – Mary Tyler Moore
The Hegseth Household vs The Houthis
Yesterday, we told you about more group chat drama at the Pentagon. Here’s a quick recap: Secretary of Defense Pete Hegseth sent detailed war plans for U.S. strikes on Houthi targets in Yemen to a Signal group chat, which included his wife, brother, personal attorney, and roughly a dozen other people. The information shared in the chat was the same as the information shared in the group chat that included a journalist from The Atlantic.
Making things worse at the Department of Defense, John Ullyot (who recently quit his job as Pentagon spokesperson) published a scathing op-ed in Politico over the weekend. “It’s been a month of total chaos at the Pentagon. From leaks of sensitive operational plans to mass firings, the dysfunction is now a major distraction for the president – who deserves better from his senior leadership,” he wrote.
What does this mean for Hegseth? According to NPR, the White House might be shopping around for his replacement. But statements by Trump at the annual White House Easter egg roll seem to indicate otherwise – at the event, the president said that Hegseth was “doing a great job” and called the stories “fake news.” So if any federal employees want to send us some confidential government plans, feel free! You might even get a promotion!
A Real-Life Conclave Is Coming
Pope Francis died on Easter Monday at the age of 88. According to the Vatican, he died of heart failure during a stroke-induced coma at 7:35 a.m. local time. Francis, born Jorge Mario Bergoglio, became the Catholic Church’s first Latin American-born pope in 2013 and brought social progressivism to the millennia-old institution. He welcomed LGBTQ+ Catholics to worship with the church, brought women into more prominent leadership roles, and focused more on values like mercy and inclusion. “I see clearly that the thing the church needs most today is the ability to heal wounds and to warm the hearts of the faithful,” he said in 2013. He even used his final address to call for a ceasefire in Gaza.
Francis’s reign unsurprisingly angered many conservative Catholics, who did not enjoy his decisions to allow church blessings for same-sex couples, make marriage annulments easier, or allow priests to absolve women who had had abortions. Marjorie Taylor Greene was apparently one of those people – soon after Francis’ death was made public, the Republican Representative made a statement about as classy as her spray tan, tweeting, “Today there were major shifts in global leaderships. Evil is being defeated by the hand of God.” The tactful statement built on her 2022 claims that the pope was “Satan” after he announced that the church would support efforts to provide aid to undocumented immigrants.
This New Toilet Paper Just Might Save the World
- Every 24 hours, 27,000 trees are cut down just to make toilet paper. We think that’s far too many, and Honeycomb agrees, which is why they created luxury three-ply made from bamboo. It feels just like regular high-end toilet paper, but doesn’t harm trees.
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Peddling Political Prisoners
- Nayib Bukele, the president of El Salvador, is making headlines again this week by… playing even more games with prisoners’ lives! What a guy. On Sunday, Bukele proposed a prisoner swap with Venezuelan President Nicolás Maduro. Bukele’s proposal would see multiple El Salvador trade Venezuelan deportees from the U.S. currently held in El Salvador’s CECOT mega-prison for multiple “political prisoners” being held by Venezuela’s government, including opposition leaders, journalists, and political activists.
- “The only reason they are imprisoned is for having opposed you and your electoral fraud,” Bukele wrote in a tweet directed at Maduro. “However, I want to propose a humanitarian agreement that includes the repatriation of 100% of the 252 Venezuelans who were deported, in exchange for the release and surrender of an identical number (252) of the thousands of political prisoners you hold.”
- The Venezuelan prosecutor’s office responded by calling Bukele a “neofascist,” demanding the information of all the Venezuelan nationals being held in CECOT, and describing their imprisonment in the Salvadorian prison as “a serious violation of international human rights law and constitutes a crime against humanity.” Again, most of these prisoners are behind bars based on unsupported allegations of being gang members.
Bargaining In Beijing
- As the Trump White House continues to wage its trade war against Beijing, the Chinese government has warned other countries against working against its interests. Yesterday, China’s commerce ministry said that while it respects other nations’ efforts to resolve their trade disputes with Washington, it would take “corresponding countermeasures” if those countries harm Chinese interests, by, say, imposing tariffs on Chinese goods to appease Trump.
- Meanwhile, back in the U.S., stocks, bonds, and the dollar all plunged at the same time yesterday in a rare occurrence. Normally, when stocks dip, investors turn to buy bonds and dollars, but all three declining at the same time reflect a growing sense of distrust in the U.S. economy held by international investors.
More Mixed Nuts
- Hurricane-hit Grenadians see climate change and reparations as one struggle (Guardian)
- Vance, Modi set to meet in India with Trump’s tariffs expected to take center stage (CBS)
- Von der Leyen warns X, Meta, TikTok to play by the rules in Europe — no matter who’s CEO (Politico)
Doling Out Dollars For The Don
- A new fundraising report found that President Donald Trump’s inaugural committee raised $239 million, more than double the record $109 million raised for his first inauguration in 2017. Unsurprisingly, many of the donors stood to gain a good deal from a Trump presidency – let’s take a look at the big spenders.
- Pilgrim’s Pride Corp., a major poultry producer, donated more than any other individual or company with $5 million, followed closely by Ripple Labs, the cryptocurrency and blockchain company, at about $4.9 million. Chevron, ConocoPhillips, ExxonMobil, Shell, Occidental Petroleum Corp., and the political arm of the American Petroleum Institute all gave about $500,000 each.
- AI and cryptocurrency companies like Solana Labs, C3.ai, Coinbase, and Perplexity AI were also big spenders. Big Tech showed out too – Amazon and Meta made substantial donations, as did OpenAI CEO Sam Altman and Apple CEO Tim Cook. Live Nation donated $500,000, and two online gambling companies, DraftKings and FanDuel, gave just under that.
Sleight Of Hand Worth Three Grand
- A DHS official revealed that Department of Homeland Security Secretary Kristi Noem’s bag was stolen at a Washington restaurant over the weekend. A man wearing a mask walked by the secretary’s table and snatched the bag.
- Noem had $3,000 in cash in her bag, along with her passport, DHS access card, and apartment key. “$3,000 in cash? Why?” According to a DHS official, “Her entire family was in town including her children and grandchildren – she was using the cash withdrawal to treat her family to dinner, activities, and Easter gifts.”
More Nuts In America
- Trump administration demands Harvard give it reports of antisemitism and anti-Muslim bias amid fresh $1 billion threat (CNN)
- Trump’s Renewed Attacks on Powell Drive Markets Lower and Weaken Dollar (NYT, $)
- House Democrats land in El Salvador to push for return of Kilmar Ábrego García (Guardian)
- DOGE Is Building a Master Database to Surveil and Track Immigrants (Wired, $)
Searching For A Solution
- Google is officially a monopolist, and now, the tech giant is on the chopping block. Over the next few weeks, lawyers from the Justice Department and Google will battle it out over how the company pays for its anti-competitive practices in the internet search market.
- According to Ars Technica, DOJ lawyers are planning to argue that the playing field in the world of search engines won’t be level until Google sells off its Chrome web browser to another company. Google’s attorneys, meanwhile, will likely argue that the company’s search monopoly can be diluted by making small changes to its contracts and by offering Android phone makers more choice in their search options.
- Google selling off Chrome could lead to massive changes in the browser space, as many of its competitors (including Opera, Brave, and Microsoft Edge) use the Chromium open-source code base that Google maintains as part of Chrome. Any new buyer would likely have just a fraction of Google’s resources, meaning they would likely need to restructure how the Chromium project works to keep the software up to date. However, Google has already made some anti-consumer plans for Chrome, which is set to disable ad blockers later this year.
More Loose Nuts
- New research finds alarming levels of toxic chemicals in children’s mattresses (Guardian)
- Sri Lankan police investigate photo of Buddha’s tooth relic (Guardian)
- Instagram tries using AI to determine if teens are pretending to be adults (AP)
