Duterte breaks up with the US over text, while Europe tries to make it rain

PNUT GALLERY

The debates may be over, but our readers had some quirky ideas about how to make presidential debates better.

Another option is to make the debates a roast between the two candidates, like last night’s Al Smith Dinner.

 IN A NUTSHELL: MUST READ

 Duterte Broke Up With United States Over Text

On a trip to China on Thursday, Philippines President Rodrigo Duterte declared that the United States and the Philippines are breaking up. It was news to the United States, who said they had not received any official requests to change their relationship status. But don’t worry about Duterte, he has new #SquadGoals in mind. He told business leaders in China that it was “us against the world,” referring to the Philippines, China, and possibly Russia. Apparently he has put aside his beef with China over the South China Sea. If this seems like odd geopolitical behavior, don’t be alarmed, it’s hardly the craziest thing Duterte has done recently.

 Battle For Mosul Proceeds At Chipper Pace

The coalition against ISIS made some sweeping gains against the extremist group in the past few days. Iraqi and Kurdish forces said they secured roughly 20 villages on the outskirts of Mosul. But it wasn’t all sparkling grape juice and hors d’oeuvres. It soon emerged that many ISIS fighters were able to escape the onslaught, taking with them hundreds of Yazidi slaves, presumably to hold as hostage until the bitter end. The Yazidis are an ethno-religious community in Northern Iraq that ISIS has targeted for its genocidal campaign. Still, the Iraqis are amazed by their own progress, stating things are proceeding “faster than expected.”

PNUT READ: Our Summary Of The Fight Against ISIS  

 NUTS & BOLTS: SHOULD READ

 Europe Celebrates #TBT With A Mars Landing Attempt

Remember in 1997 when we were all glued to our TV screens to watch the Mars Pathfinder landing… you know, back when we all still watched the news? Well, it’s 2016 and Europe is trying to do the same thing, but not as successfully. European Mars probe Schiaprelli (not a type of pasta, we checked) might have crash landed on the surface of Red Planet after its parachute jettisoned too early and its rockets fired for too short a time. While we aren’t 100% sure that the mission was a dud, the mood inside the European Space Agency isn’t positive. This mission was meant to serve as a reminder of Europe’s technological prowess but unfortunately it didn’t turn out as expected. However, anyone who wants to marvel at Europe’s technological advances need only take a train through the continent and compare it to the dehumanizing experience that is America’s Amtrak.

 Spain Is Trying To Force People To Mistreat Animals

Spain’s constitutional court just overturned Catalonia’s ban on bullfighting, a law that was created by the regional government back in 2010. Nine of the 12 Spanish judges ruled that the “preservation of common cultural heritage” was more important than Barcelona’s interest in animal welfare, and since bullfighting is a Spanish tradition, they are going to make it a Catalonian tradition too. Obviously, that doesn’t sit well among Catalonians with an interest in sovereignty, who see Spain as enforcing cultural ideals on a region with its own identity. Outraged, Barcelona Mayor Ada Colau said that the city has been anti-bullfighting since 2004 and “whatever the court says, the Catalan capital will not allow animals to be mistreated.”

European Central Bank Wants To Make It Rain Euros

On Thursday, European Central Bank chairman Mario Draghi hinted that European monetary policy would remain looser than a wizard’s sleeve” as the ECB continues to stimulate Europe’s economy out of its “meh” growth phase. The ECB, which keeps trying to Make Europe Great Again, is trying to stimulate Europe’s economy via Quantitative Easing, also known as a “magic trick nobody has to understand.” It essentially involves the bank buying a ton of government bonds. Some hawks (cough, Germany, cough) want this financial wizardry to stop while the rest of Europe, who are facing depression-level unemployment levels, are in favor of more QE. We’ve got six weeks to find out who wins this battle.  

 KEEPING OUR EYE ON

Yemen: So much for a ceasefire. Two civilians were killed in Saudi Arabia from missiles launched from Yemen. A Saudi-led coalition then retaliated by launching air strikes, which Houthi fighters say killed three people. The ceasefire took effect on Wednesday.

Yvette Chauviré: The famous prima ballerina died at age 99 in her home in Paris. Chauviré entered the Paris Opera dance school in 1917 and was considered a child prodigy. She went on to become one of France’s most celebrated dancers.  

 PNUTTY VIDEOS 

Trevor Noah: This debate had so many moments of crazy.

Watch Stephen Colbert mock Donald Trump for never having won an Emmy.

Hilarious, cringeworthy, embarrassing—all good words to describe Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump roasting each other last night.

 LOOSE NUTS

 Climate Change Is Hurting Wine So Now It Really Is A Problem

First it came for our snow days. Then it came for our polar bears. Now climate change has its sights set on destroying another one of earth’s treasures: Malbec. According to the Earth Institute at Columbia University, global wine production is expected to fall by 5% in 2016 because of “climatic events” and the earth’s warming temperatures messing with grape harvest timing. While climate change has affected wine producers everywhere, it has had the most dramatic impact on South America, where Malbec production is estimated to have plummeted by 35% in Argentina and 21% in Chile. Just when we thought 2016 couldn’t get much worse.

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 WEEKEND READS

 17 Stories To Read This Weekend

• The Kurds have been kicking butt in the fight against ISIS, but will it win them a homeland?
• Here are a bunch of Canadians telling us that America is great. Stay great America!
• Trump might not be ready to concede defeat, but here’s a moving letter George H.W. Bush wrote to Bill Clinton when Clinton beat him in 1992.
• Are Assange and Wikileaks impartial? Are they just anti-Hillary? Or are they pro-Trump? New York Review of Books takes a look.
• Germans have a great tradition of “compound words” to describe the unexpected. Here are a few they are using to describe Donald Trump.
• With all these email leaks going around, you are bound to find your name in one at some point. Here is what to do if you are ever dissed in one.
• An in-depth look at how ISIS has become so powerful.
• The Obamas had a glitzy final state dinner with Italian PM Mateo Renzi. Here are some great photos of the event catered by Mario Batali, orange crocs and all.
• Meet the anti-Nate Silver who is backing Trump 100% despite having no campaign ties.
• Please helicopter parents, let kids play!
• “The white flight of Derek Black.” Some great reporting by the Washington Post on White Power movements.
• The last surviving Nuremberg prosecutor has some words of advice.
• With Mosul under attack, we look back at Patrick Cockburn’s reporting on ISIS.
• Egypt tried to crackdown on corruption. It backfired.
• The 2017 Putin Calendar is out in case anyone was wondering what to get us for the holidays.
• Is having fewer friends better for us? Quartz says yes.
• Some powerful women just wrote a moving letter to Michelle Obama: “To the first lady with love!”